how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
