you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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