i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
