I got her a Nickelback box set.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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