I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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