I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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