oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
