Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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