I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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