you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
