just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You may now shotgun with the bride
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
