remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
