There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
