I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
