that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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