1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
