isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
