Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
