I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
thus making me awesome and them whores
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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