I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
