what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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