i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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