I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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