woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
