Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
