DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
