im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
