You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
