I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
