I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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