I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I AM VODKA MAN
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
