don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
