ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
