I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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