Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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