Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it's great music for shaving your balls
So many bounce houses so little time
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
