im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
