her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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