Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
