She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
