Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
