well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
