New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
