this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
