I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
