I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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