I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
