Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
