fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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