ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
