I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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